Well…. We’re back and still alive. We have had a crazy 2 weeks or so and we only expect it to crazier……

This chapter has been filled with sail cruises through the Whitsunday Islands (from tongue bay to whit haven, we back again, we back again….. *Jay Z reference there. Sorry about that. It just felt right), snorkling and scuba diving through the Great Barrier Reef, swimming with reef sharks and sting rays, 4 x 4 land cruising on Fraser Island reaching world record speed limits on the beach and trails. All in all, it has been UNREAL! Not to mention, we have encountered many things that are unreal, new sayings that we loved and very few YUKKKKKKKKKKKKKS!!!

Things that are UNREAL

• Whitehaven beach – The most unreal white sand beach we have ever seen. Minus the slightly retarded stinger suits we had to wear, it was deadly!
• SPANK ME Whitsunday sail cruise – Toss a bunch of deadly mid 20 year olds on a boat called spank me with no curfew or land in sight, and an endless supply of goon and beer (although we made it end on the last night….cheers to shot gunning Smirnoff ices to finish off the inventory).
• Goon – We have finally acquired a taste for what Australians refer to as goon. Back home, we would just call it DUMP IN A BOTTLE. Here, they call it class in a box, aged to perfection (2006 was a great year). $8 for 4 ltrs or this magic in a bag.
• Fraser Island – This is a place everyone needs to check it. It wont even be here in 15 years or so… This unreal Island with nothing but sand dunes fresh water lakes to cure a hang over in. The ocean is probably the most violent waves you’ll ever see and is filled with tiger sharks. Needless to say we did lengths in the ocean daily. The greatest part of the island though, is the beach doubles for a highway. Speed limit is 80 km/h, and when your truck hits a huge hole or dune going 80 it gets a little iffy. Despite the shitty weather, we had an unreal time!
• Great Barrier Reef – From the amazing fish to sea turtles to sharks and amazingly colorful reef, this is one out of the 7 natural wonders of the world that is a must see. Words can’t begin to explain it.
• Goon Slaps – if in Australia, soon Canada, and asked to slap a bag of goon, you MUST slap the good bag, call it a dirty bitch or porno ollen (to be explained later) followed by a monster chug out of the goon bag. This may result in retardedly stupid hangovers, however the night of is a DEADLY time!
• Ralph goon slapping – Ralph was a mid 40-50 year old Asian who totally didn’t fit in on our Spank Me cruise. However, after being woken up from his slumber at 1 AM by unnamed Canadians, USA’ers, and Germans, Ralph came through BIG TIME with a goon slap of the century. Cheers to you Ralph. You are a true beauty!
• Airlie Beach – This is a beach town that is the hub for the Whitsunday cruises. Nothing but travelers in this place are there looking to rock the night before and after their cruise. Just ask Mitch. The bars are so fun he couldn’t be told to sit down (you will all see the movie). This town also loves euro dance parties. For Canadians, we showed everyone what a Euro dance party should really look like.
• Rocky fucks Europe in the ass – GER – As some of you know (I was obviously told by a friend), German porn is world renouned. After taking part in many goon slaps with a group of Germans in our 4 x 4 land tour, we began to speak about the German porn phenomenon. Rocky fucks Europe in the ass was there number one favorite. I can only imagine why. Look out this fall for Rocky IV – Russia gets fucked in the ass (in theatres everywhere).
• The Airlie Beach Lagoon – 74 Islands and 1 BIG lagoon. To our surprise, there was no real beach in Airlie Beach. To make up for this huge urban planning error, a BIG lagoon was developed and was UNREAL. Eye candy, bronzing, drinking, whatever goes. To add, locals call this the shagoon once night falls. Definitely venture to the lagoon!
• Mid-bar showers – after a long day of lagooning, we went straight to the hostel bar to crush tequila shots. Decided we maybe should clean up and when your hostel room is above the bar this is very possible. Mid-bar shower may be the most refreshing thing ever to happen mid-tequila night. Completely recharged we rocked til the wee hours when Mitch refused to sit down until we took him home (again, you will see the video

Sayings we liked:

• Blast me innin du shlumpe – GER – Suck my d^%K sl&t.
• Vast haste de porno vixen, minor olla tuficken – GER – Why is this porno fucker having sex with my girlfriend – Don’t ask me when you would use this, however, the German dudes seemed to think this was essential! Apparently a famous line from a German movie.
• Porno Ollen – GER – Porno Slut
• On yah – NZ - Both a kiwi saying and a drinking game, when at the bar, look your mate in the eyes and yell out on yah. You must immediately meet him at the bottom of your drink….. ON YAH!
  

YUKKKKKK of the week

Unfortunately, the places and events we experienced throughout the last 2 weeks have been so unreal that it is almost impossible to point out a YUKKK. Perhaps when we get to Bondi Beach and see all the male speedos, we might have some serious YUK material for you. Especially when Berman and I are rocking Canada speedos…… I KNOW… RIGHT!

Cheers, Mark and Jonny

New Zealand like WHOA!

I know it has been a long time since you’ve heard from us so finally, here we are. Now were leaving. See YA!

That would be rude.

Since this trip, so far, has been soooo busy filled with action packed events and such, we’ve decided to write one regionally authentic blog. For those of you wondering what the hell regionally authentic means (big ups to Mully and Carly), it means one blog per location.

So what can we say about New Zealand except for WOW!! This entire country is gorgeous except for Auckland, but we will get into that later……

We started off our NZ adventure in Auckland. This place is like the armpit of NZ. Reminded us a lot of Hamilton actually….. When we first arrived we tried to give it the benefit of the doubt and say it reminded us of Vancouver, but after 2 days we were like, “WHAT A DUMPPPPPPPP!” So we decided to hop on a plane and head down to Queenstown on the South Island. Auckland, Queenstown and Milford Sound ended up being the only places on the South Island we saw but for anyone thinking about going over there, you could spend MONTHS. In short, this place is off the chains….

Anyhow, We did too much and have too many stories to put in paragraph form, so we decided to shorten these up into three key categories:
1. Things that are UNREALLLLL
2. Phrases and words we enjoyed, and;
3. The YUKKKKKKK of the week

Things that are UNREAL:
• X-Base hostels – These hostels are wild parties, clean and a good place to meet other travelers. Good times in these pads
• Bruzz – This was a native Maori Kiwi that Berman and I met in Auckland. The dude was so intensely into NFL and NBA you can only imagine the debates him and Berman got into. Not only was he hilarious to talk to all night, but we got the inside on NZ politics…… I guess we could have just said that we don’t give a care….
• Export Gold is a beer that is very similar to Coors Light, so of course we dummied many. If your down in NZ, that’s usually the cheapest beers in the bars…. Altitude was the Hostel bar in Queenstown and they offered MANY 2 for 1’s. That was UNREALLLLL.
• 2 Beers for the Price of One - A strange, but unreal thing is in the hostel bars in NZ. You can buy 2 beers, but you get 3 for the same price????? Exqueeze me??? Did you say 3 for the price of 2? Svincter says what?
• Economize – Berman has mastered the art of economizing and demands that everyone knows that I have not! When beers just aren’t doing it, you can buy 2 double Jack and Cokes for $8. Those may have been the turning point that night…..for one of us anyway
• Drinking wine on the beach legally – Berman and I spent a lovely first afternoon in Auckland on the beach in Mission Bay, on a not particularly nice day, with a bottle of deadly vino……Romantic and relaxing!
• Party Pills (available in variety stores all over NZ; now 40% off so get ‘em while they are hot...no really, party pills were on special that day) – I can happily say we didn’t partake in any consumption of party pills, however, we are grateful to have heard one UNREAL story about them…. An English dude we met had taken some party pills one night with his mate. After an eventful evening at Globe Bar in Auckland, the English dudes mate went missing. He turned up days later, STILL on party pills claiming that French Spies were following him. Don’t ask me why French spies or why he was still taking party pills, but the story put us in tears for hours.
• Tea Pots – just go to World Bar in Queenstown and you’ll FIGURE IT OUT!!! It’s like a porch climber only in a teapot. UNREAL!
• Milford Sounds – This place is amazing. Scenery is unreal, filled with mountains, waterfalls and all other sorts of cool views. Definitely go there
• Berman and I being our regular unreal people, got to talking with a lot of random travelers. We ended up partying alot with this group of English dudes who could seriously crush drinks. Probably the best thing in the world is hearing them try to belt out "Figure it out PAUL!" They are clearly trying to say "figure it out pal", but we are proud of them for their progress thus far.

Words We Liked:
• Jandels – Sandals (NZ)
• Reckon – Ya think? (ENG)
• Trousers – Pants (ENG)
• Under-Claggers – Balls (ENG)
• Birds – Babes (ENG)
• Seppahs – People from the US (AUS)
• Rave – Unreal dance sessions; usually to Euro beats (ENG)
• Cunnted – CRUSHED (ENG)
• On the piss – CRUSHED or drinking; but who doesn’t get crushed when they drink….REALLY?? (ENG)
• Moles – skank (AUS)

And our favorite, THE YUKKKKKK OF THE WEEK:
Nothing is more disappointed than flying across the world and arriving to a giant DUMP. AUCKLAND…..YUKKKKKKKKKKKKK. We thought we were landing into paradise, however, it may have paid off to actually look at a map of NZ before we left. This place was Hamilton. Everything from the people to the landscape was just YUKKKK. In fact, it makes The Hammer look like an exclusive country club. It hurts me just to talk about this place so I need to stop…. Just take our word for it…. YUKKKK!

Cheers, Happy Days and DTRT,

Jonny and Berman

Before it Began

Two young, incredibly attractive men are about to hit the road for an adventure of a lifetime. 3 months in Australia and New Zealand. Wow.....I got half-hard just writing that. Berman did too. That's weird because we both just got half-hard at the same time.

From what we have heard, we can expect DIAMOND beaches, UNREAL surf, STOKED adventure sports, DEADLY bars that dont close until 5 AM and an endless supply of BIG TIME goon (wine for those of you that are less learned than us).

This blog will be the first of many. Sorry for the lack of regular flare and wit, but we are too full of anxiety and excitment that finding the right words is too difficult. Feel free to check up on us. We will ensure to provide you with high quality and entertaining video and blog.

Cheers,

JZ and Bird-Man

BOCSR Manther Chairmen